Vic

Hey guys,here is a a short story I wrote that I am thinking of turning into a book. I would greatly appreciate your comments and criticism. It is a few pages long so might take you a minute but I would appreciate your time. This is just an overview from the characters point of view and would set the background for what would launch the story.

Enjoy.

“My name is Vic. Well that’s not really my name, but you’ll have to figure out the real one on your own. Not that it’ll do you any good. I am not really anyone important or connected to someone that will pay you some dough for my hide or anything like that. No, to tell the truth I just liked the sound of Vic. Kinda had a subtle flare or panache you might say. And since it really is all about appearance, I decided “What the hell” I’ll just change it. I mean really? Do you think my hair is actually blonde? “

“But I digress. You were asking about how I ended up here. And I can understand why you might ask. I am about as prodigiously fascinating as someone can get.”

“How did I get here? Excuse as I pause and ponder this a moment”

“Ah yes there we are”

“Most recently I walked in the door , Quieted the adulatant greetings that naturally accompany my arrival and sat down to enjoy my meal. Now normally, I am accustomed to no small measure of respect from the few patrons who muster the courage or sense of self worth necessary to beg leave to join my table. So I must admit that I was a little scandalized when a foppish dandy of an elf, ……that would be You, ……had the audacity to flop down in the chair opposite me without so much as a “By your leave?”.

“Under normal circumstances I would be inclined give a nod to the two gentles by the door, and then watch as they taught you the finer points of flying through the aforementioned point of egress. However, you at least have some modicum of forethought and took the chance that I might bribed into tolerating your presence.”

“As matters have it, you are in luck. I happened to be in need of a little cash as, recently, I rather impulsively took it into my head to buy everything one might need to undertake the long extended adventure of the sorts told of in myth and legend. And as such is the case, that bag of clinking coins you so unceremoniously dropped on the table looked rather enticing and I found myself predisposed to acquiesce to your inquiry.”

“Does that answer your question?”................ “Oh. No. I see, you are looking for a little more in the way of my history rather than immediate my circumstance. Let me see if I might conjure a story to your liking.”

“Well, I guess we should start at the beginning. Approximately 31 years ago, my mother was tending crops down in some village no one has ever heard of. According to her a gang of horrible elves came upon her and marveled such in her beauty that they bent her over there on the spot and had their dastardly way with her. Now I love my mother dearly and would never suggest that she might utter a mistruth, but ……..well that would be exactly what I am saying. But considering the scandal it would have caused if it had become known that she was letting some roguish elf lord diddle her in the back forty and then getting herself with child……..well you can hardly blame her.”

“Some months later, my father, the roguish elf, made a brilliant show of “capturing” the young human lass, my mother, by way of slipping my grandfather a rather heavy purse. Of course this was done in secret with lots of evidence laid about to indicate a violent struggle. Upon finding said evidence my Grandfather roused the neighbors for a grand hunt to rescue his fair daughter from the vile elfish bastards. My elven uncles made sure to leave obvious trails in a path that lead the marauding villagers on a long and merry chase thick through gnoll country and deep into the bowels of the orc lands. Finally the villagers figured that if they ever did find her she would be dead and rotting long since. To be fair they searched whole month and half their number had died along the way. Seeing as they now had many tales of bravery and prowess to wow those pansies that stayed behind, they packed up camp and headed for home. Greater heroes the legends have not.”

“Grandfather had “come down with the crump” early in the expedition and had, under the insistence of his mates and their promise to continue his search for him, returned to the village to see to his health. He was of course devastated when they returned empty handed and lamented that his “poor little angel” was left to the vileness of the demon spawn and heavily distraught about the disgrace to his family. His friends assured him that his honor was intact and that there was no more that could be done. All the while mother was living in the lap of luxury in the estate home of my father high among the mountains in the opposite direction. “

“A year later my Grandfather’s “grief” drove him to proclaim to his friends that it was time for him to seek his god ‘s home and their live out the rest of his days. A grand party was thrown in his honor and off he went much in the style of a fellow I once heard a tale of named Baggins. He made it as far as my mother and fathers estate. Of course, now being introduced to his grandson, he suddenly found the will to continue on a little while in this world. He died a jolly old drunkard much endeared to the elven city in the trees and its inhabitants. ”

“I am somewhat fuzzy as to the next ten years or so though I know that I was introduced to many different things and developed a talent for generally getting my way. One day however, my father decided “TO HELL WITH WHAT HE WANTS” and sent me off to boarding school. A wizard boarding school. He was convinced that I would become an all powerful wizard and end evil and corruption for all time.”

“Now I support my father’s entirely unique idea of world peace. But attaining it sounded like entirely too much work. Especially when they started making me memorize shit, if you will pardon my vulgar vernacular. “SAY IT EXACTLY THE SAME AS ME” they would cry. This almost always elicited a series of questions from me along the lines of “don’t we have wands for that?” or “wouldn’t it be easier just to pick the damn feather up and wave it around?” Too be blunt, I had absolutely no talent for magic whatsoever unless someone handed me a device that did it all for me. Wonderful things those.”

“What I did have talent for was getting into trouble. Or rather, getting into things that should have gotten me into trouble. You see the thing about a wizard’s school is that there are so many things that to see or do or touch. There is the artifacts room and the familiar’s exercise chambers and storage lockers and the libraries and ……..well you get the point. The other thing about a wizard’s school is that all of that awesome stuff is off limits. Rules Rules Rules. Never an end to them. And so my first few months there we rather painful.”

“Well, I have always been one to rise to a challenge and now I found a great focus for my time. I took it into my head to convince the wizzies that I was the model pupil. I found that if professor Karnac expected you to be with professor Litekamp, and professor Litekamp expected you to be with professor Karnac…… then neither of them was looking for you. If you wore shoes with thick soles, pulled your cowl over your head and fell in behind the older students going to the necromancy lecture, you got watch Lord Vasil make a dead wombat hop around the room by itself. Or little things like placing a arithmetic textbook on top of a smaller tome of ancient demon myths while walking out of the library led to the librarian shaking his head in amazement at the dedication of the little half breed, instead of asking what in hell I was doing with a book that only 9th year students were allowed to read.”

“Conveniently, I was also actually possessed of a fairly good and helpful nature. Thereby it was not uncommon for the faculty to find me volunteering to help tend the horses or befriending the new kid that was a little odd.”

“It never hurt that I won the admiration and support of the other students either. Whenever one of the older students decided to bully or intimidate one of the weaker, I made sure that his next major thesis paper “Accidentally” got swapped with a paper full of doodles depicting the headmaster getting porked by a goblin. Meanwhile I received mounds of praise for the brilliantly written and insightful paper that I wrote in my spare time on the political influence of magic in modern society. Soon I was receiving warnings from the other students when the faculty decided to hold “random” room inspections, or getting help on an assignment to study the use of a spell that I couldn’t actually cast. Better yet, due to the knack I had developed for bypassing certain security devices, the fellows began paying me to “acquire” certain things for them. “

“But of course eventually my ruse was unable to make up for the fact that I could not conjure acid from the air or chant the words to become invisible (now there is one spell I wish I could cast). After nearly eleven years of “studying” and finding reasons not to take the graduation exam, I was finally incapable of avoiding it any longer. My performance was pitiful. Being unable to so much as make the breeze stir I failed miserably. The headmaster chalked it up to performance anxiety and assured me that he was confident I could cast a fireball whenever I wanted. However the academy had a strict policy on failing the final exam and the result, without exception is expulsion. And so, with many sad goodbyes and the headmaster writing a letter to my father assuring him that one day I would make a great wizard, I was sent on my way home..”

“The greeting I received was joyous and wonderful. Feasting and drunkenness ensued. My father and mother being thrilled to have their son home and proud of the newest inductee into the elven wizards society, I was barely given time to explain that I had not completed the school. When I was, my father nearly killed me. He read the letter from the headmaster and was unconvinced that I had just succumbed to stage fright. Being an accomplished wizard himself, he deigned to put me through his own rigorous test. This time there was no hiding the fact that I was anything but magically inclined. I can only speculate that, having been around magic so often, I had developed a certain resilience to it. Were that not the case I doubt we would be having this rather one sided conversation today.”

“So to make matters short, my father decided that since I could not contribute to the household as a proper elf lord, I must be put to work in other endeavors. And so I found myself elbow deep in soapy water having finally “found my calling” as a dishwasher. I think I need not say just how unsatisfactory this course of life was to my general demeanor. After helping myself to a few of Father’s little treasures lying about, I took my leave.”

“ Last I heard, Father had disavowed me as his son, proclaimed my mother a promiscuous whore, and sent her back to her homeland with a substantial sum of money. This was amenable to both as, after my father had made me a common servant, they had apparently “grown tired” of one another and it allowed my father to save face in an elven society that abhors the idea of divorce. Of course my mother was welcomed with open arms by the villagers when she returned home and applauded greatly in her bravery for not only escaping the evil elves but in also managing to make off with, for their part of the world, an astounding fortune. She has used her money to secure herself the position of the village Justice and lives happily on her fortune in the second largest house in town. Many wonder if she might marry someday and no few clamor to be that lucky fellow. Though I suspect that she is perfectly content with the four strapping lads she employs as her “servants” and that she will no doubt “die and old maid”. Cheers to Mother dearest.”

“I traveled for some several years from country to country, city to city. I discovered several things in this time. First was a matter of reception. If you arrived at a city as a footsore traveler, you were pretty much guaranteed to have to fend for yourself and constantly watch your back. However, if you arrived in style in a carriage, with servants and a bodyguard or two proclaiming to be a elven lord of some far off country no one had ever heard of, you were much more likely to receive an invitation to stay in the mayors manor house and to be fed delicious food. Periodically you might even find one of his daughters feeling rather lonely and in need of consolation. Of course that latter activity may find you making a fast retreat from the lord’s house as well.”

“And so I became who I needed to receive a friendly welcome. Whenever I found myself in need of a little coin or elegant clothing to enhance the appearance of the disguise, I simply borrowed what was needed then handed it off to the next chap I found that was in need of it when I no longer had use for it. Now I know that it must sound as though I prey upon others misfortune and never do anything to earn my way in the world. But I beg to differ. You see, I found that inevitably wherever I was in the world, there also would be those in power or of greater strength abusing the weaker and less fortunate people around them. Now it just so happens that these people also tend to be the people with the most to spare. And it also happens that if I take something from someone who acquired it dishonestly or by the power of his sword my conscience seems to fail to realize that it should be inspiring guilt in me. And if I pass said items along to the poverty stricken family down the way, I discover a slight grin trying desperately to creep upon my face. “

“Thus became my habit. I lived quite happily this way for most of the past decade. And then I arrived here. When I realized that this was a town ripe with the cruel and wicked or those who prey upon the weak, I decided that here was the perfect place to rest my head. What better place to take what I need, help the needy and feel downright chipper about the entire affair. Everyone believes me to be an innocent gentle of great hospitality who makes his living through luck of gambling and periodic escort of foreign nobles through the seedier parts of town. And so I am generally left alone.”

“ I am a survivor by nature and rather enjoy the life. I become who I must or cater to the whims of others as I see fit to get what I deem necessary for my comfort and pleasure. And if that doesn’t work, well there is always some bully or crime lord that doesn’t really need that bag of gold.”

“So that is my story. Or at least the one I am willing to conjure up for your pleasure. I hope that you have been entertained and I thank you for the gold but I must now take my leave. May the Gods look kindly on your endeavors and the clouds shower you with fortune. And now, I have a tournament to win so I will bid you adieu.”